Stylin'

9:12pm: im feeling indifferent about the fact that it's half term. mostly because i have no money and that means i can't go out.
i haven't had human contact with anyone apart from my mum and sister since sunday when josh left, speaking of which, the words "fuck this" keep reoccuring so i assume i've done it again and achieved the "if you spend enough time with me, you WILL hate me" concept.
anyway, i've done no work, just watched mindless chat shows. how many times can i watch tyra banks tell the female race they're all beautiful. too many.

otherwise, im good.

10:15am: of age
my 18th birthday was a lot better than i generally expected. i got a phonecall just after midnight and then went and had my obligatory post-midnight cigarette with my mum. woke at 6.45 to "open presents" or lack there of as now i am 18 people have gone down the money route. i've got £300 so far and i've yet to recieve a gift from my dad.
i went for lunch with Stefan in Wetherspoons which was too nice a place for my liking so when Stefan left, myself, Joey and Patrick went to The Fleet and spent about £10 on the games machine and won £1 back. then put it back in and lost it. I dislike LCD touchscreens with a passion now.
after a while we went back to my house and then proceeded down to The Registry to meet up with some friends and get "smashed".
i did very well i think. between 8 and midnight i drank 6 pints (pints for a pound night on tuesday so my luck was in), 5 shots of sambucca (my new love in life), a tequila slammer (thanks to stefan) and a cherry VK which was given to me during a very sloppy game of pool.
it was a good night though, i don't usually like my birthday, i think it's a lot of fuss over nothing-wow you've survived another year...congratulations.
also, about being 18, i despise the inevitable "now you're an adult" crap like being able to vote and being more responsible than you were the day before. it's truly boring me and has made me dislike the age in a way. It's really not a big deal to me, i'm just happy i can go to the pub.

otherwise, life is peachy. i haven't written anything in a long time as my computer's harddrive finally peaked under the pressure and is currently undergoing technical surgery.
college is getting quite strenuous again, it was this time last year (to the day) that i gave up and i can feel the same nag for freedom that i did last time, but still i work on.
since i last wrote, a lot has gone on. i won't bore you now as i haven't the energy, but generally i am living for the weekends (a phrase that hasn't left my lips in a very long time), new years was good-it was held at my house and consisted of myself, joshua, stefan, anton, tim and will getting intoxicated and jumping on the back of a pick up lorry along with the rest of my street, i have a boyfriend (joshua, my best friend of 1 and a half years) and it's going well apart from the fist fights.

generally 2007 has been good to me so far. all i need to do to make it better is stick it out at college, perhaps get some kind of qualifications and get a job (i need to earn 10 grand by 2009).

laaavly.

12:17am: okay so this weekend kind of sucked in comparison to last.
it was good in someways but you know when you discover things you don't want to and you know you'll be the one to get hurt, thats pretty much it.
ive learnt not to trust people i thought i could, and i also learned that you've pretty much got to be selfish to get what you want.
i learnt that just because you think something, it doesn't mean it's true and you've got to look out for yourself.
i learnt not to believe the phrase "make yourself happy" because what if, in turn, that makes someone else unhappy.
friends doesn't mean shit when it's a one way road, thats for sure.

12:51am: best weekend.
this beats all weekends ive ever had.
basically it started out on friday when i went to a pub called the reg with some friends. we played pool and i think everyone was quite shocked at my "mad skills". then we got chucked out so i went home. got a phonecall at 3am from Stefan asking to stay at mine. apparently josh had gone home to the isle of wight so our "stefan, josh and amy" weekend plans were seemingly fucked.
on saturday morning we found that josh had stayed at someone else's so we found him and went back to the reg for lunch and more pool. which i won twice.
then spontaneously i agreed to go to the island for no apparent reason as my plans to go to london went out the window with my "insufficient" funds.
got to the island, had a subway then bought some alcohol. decided to go straight to josh's caravan.
got to the caravan and made ourselves comfortable.
had a talk about sex and other subjects, then remembered that i brought my cards with me.
STRIP BLACKJACK.
underwear was re-attached and spin the bottle ensued. 2 boys and 1 girl. odds weren't too good!
then truth or dare with some interesting results.
good soundtrack throughout the night provided by stefans i-pod.

needless to say, i love these two boys so much. even more so now!
i dont think i've ever been as happy as i am right this moment. well maybe when i was 8. but it really did make me put things in perspective. like: i was so stupid this year.

9:16pm: my sister had her house party. surprisingly, the house wasn't damaged to the extent i had prepared for...but still, it wasn't my cup of tea. the authority i had over the 15 year olds was amazing and someone had told them that i owned the house. brill.
i'll put the pictures up soon, i'm not in the uploading state of mind.

i stayed at joeys last night, we played dirge of cerberus and watched americas next top model.
i had a horrid allergic reaction to the cats and spent the night needing some kind of respirator, i really thought i might die!
i had to wear sunglasses on the way home, even though it was gray and raining because my eyes were so puffy aswell, then i took 5 year out of date piriton.
it's been an interesting day!

i'm looking forward to the weekend. it can't get here sooner if you ask me.

2:16pm: i just noticed how many times in my journal ive put "im quitting smoking" guttzzzzzzz it's all i do!

and this

2:08pm: im becoming rather bored again, i told EVERYONE that i get bored being in/doing the same places/things for too long. but then again tekken 3 with joey and stefan friday night was so refreshing.

i lost my bank card again, so i went to the bank this morning and got them to cancel it and order me a new one, should have it in 5 working days. the girl who helped me cant have been much older than me and she was unusually chipper for a bank worker.

my knitting is coming along well, its my new thing instead of making paper hats when i get anxious.

i bought a new dress (which, on closer inspection kind of resembles a sack) and some shoes that i can barely walk in but i'll get used to them im sure!

going to brockenhurst on thursday hopefully, although i'll only have a small time bracket to say hi because i finish college at 12 and it'll be pretty awkward getting the money without my card, perhaps i'll just go next week.

i also have to save for ash and kate's welcome back party, i dont want to end up stranded in london for some reason (knowing my luck that would happen) i'm supposed to be getting a lift with joey and hoey but if that doesnt happen...i've lost the knack of "train scoring"

i also got this sweet ass piece of heaven cloth (bad picture but such a dapper cardi)

8:54am: it's 08:46 on a saturday morning..."why are you up?" you may ask. I am up because i was expecting to go to Wales today to see a friend but, again, literally an hour before im supposed to be leaving i am told by someone else that i can't go. brill. unreliableness is my largest pet hate at the moment. which has made me re-evaluate a lot of people in my life that maybe i would be better off without. liars too. a couple of people come to mind but i wont mention for fear of any aggression towards me because i am so not ready to be shaking my neck at anyone.

otherwise, i went to a party last night. it was an old friend who i went to senior school with. as it was an 18th, i'd say that myself and possibly 4 other people were the only sobers (the 4 other people were all under 12) but it was fun all the same.

i met probably the funniest girl who used to be my closest friend in school and also someone who i havent seen for almost 2 years and we had so much fun insulting basically everyone. oh and dancing like idiots too!

basically last night was pure and utter nostalgia, but i feel that maybe my social life will take a new turn because i have them to go out with aswell now!

im still annoyed about wales though.

1:39pm: my attempts at finding something interesting to do at weekends when i dont have any money have become fruitless.

i need to stop x1000000 thinking about money. its all i do.

im giving up smoking, equalling more money for an eventful weekend, hopefully.

1:50pm: i had a very strange dream last night that the man with the weird accent and blender on the direct line "what makes a good deal a good deal better?" advert proposed to me. then there was some dancing around a burning car, very odd.
otherwise nothing that interesting has happened. i've been trying to sort out whats going to happen to me when this academic year is up, im in no way motivated to continue with the second year of english and photography, i cannot be in college for another year, 2 years has been enough.
i went to see the fratellis, against my will, and other than the fact that i dislike the musical genre, the atmosphere was incredibly dull and drunken. i had fun ridiculing the nme-reading "indie" people, and had even more fun when people asked me "where did you get your jeans from?" and "do you like indie music?". good times.

im even more recluse this weekend than previously, just because i have no money and absolutely no conscience to enter the outside world. i'd rather sit, maybe paint, read some, watch the mind-altering world of trouble tv and maybe even do some college work.

9:31pm: i've got to get some management of some sort! similar to anger but for money. i spend so much money on what, at the end of the day, is nothing.

the party situation is looking up, considering i thought there would be no parties at all til new year-ish, i've been invited to a few. which is nice because im so fed up of this town again, its like being in a prison where everyone has a routine and nothing interesting ever happens.
my friend has moved to wales, which was quite sudden and i saw her for a good five minutes before she left so im feeling quite rejected, but other than that life is going okay.
joey had a bonfire on saturday which was fun because it involved fire and solvents and nice hats.
i swear all my time is spent waiting for that boy in portsmouth.

10:03pm: 30 dolluh dolluh
today was good! i got out the house to go shopping with my nan but i didnt get anything, so she gave me 30 quid to get something myself.
might not seem like much to anyone else but to me that is some serious cash money!
also i am watching shite films all night, although i was supposed to go out...no matter.

plans for my 18th have already started circulating, not really plan plans, just "lets get real drunk" so i think i know what i'll be doing.

4:21pm: vista vista vista
It's coming along well, as soon as i tweak some small things my screenplay is complete and i can concentrate on getting it filmed. I'm really excited about it.

I've decided to give up smoking, well give up buying products of the nicotine persuasion. I have much more important things to spend money on, for example learning to drive finally!

I've run out of cola so the "2 litres of coke everyday" challenge is flailing, but i can honestly say that it has helped me get less than 8 hours sleep all week!
Harriets coming home from Wales tonight so hopefully that means i can get out of this house for the first time this week!

Oh and trust me, sitting on a computer for a good hour may not seem long, but it can create some deep vendettas.

12:15pm: I have done nothing for the past 4 days.
I have to say that i enoy it in a strange way because it means that i can think and do whatever i want, no plans and no commitments to prepare for. I would like to do things aswell, but sitting in my house watching MTV from midday til midnight, smoking (too much) and drinking 2 litres of cola a day has it's appeal.
I have been productive though, I researched more into the school I want to go to after i have finished my run at college and decided what i want to aim for: Master of Fine Arts in Filmmaking.
To do this I need a Bachelor of Arts, and I need to have a strong portfolio of projects, leading to the first rough screenplay of my first project. Where I have had so much free time I have been able to concentrate solely on this project and, thankfully, I am over my writer's block!

Otherwise, nothing exciting has happened. I have found myself spending time with a more select group of people, seeing as i went to Brockenhurst College for the first half term and transferred back to Southdowns (good one) I have kind of found who my real friends are.

I'm looking forward to December 9th, looks like that's going to be the first party of this academic year for me! Ash is coming back over from Texas for longer this time so I'm very excited!